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Yet I sit and mope about what I saw yesterday of all days,
A second of emotional rush and instant ignorance to protect from the pain of a sight long gone even of myself.
Anger in a possible coaxing but none of it would help, or matter,
Working backwards to protect what little happiness was left constantly being drained every moment into another heart.
The bittersweet hum of melancholy washing over my bones reminding that all I do will eventually rot,
Knowing that she feels terrible after making a mistake of her own ripping at the muscles within my flesh only makes all matters worse.
Willing to treat me like a stranger among friends to force me uncomfortably secluding myself away from the sights and sounds I have walked up on many times before,
A face once of surprise and sorrow now just a lower-cased two-second sorry.
Knowing this torture and mistreatment and yet on the drive home sat mostly in silence I still offer my hand to hold,
My mind is stuck believing in the times when two smiles would be forged and a laugh but now a glance outside nothing but rejection yet at the end,
Total relief is never given only tears of her pity for me of herself, and nights like these she will try to kill herself and ask herself why and what I have done to deserve such hell while I am thrown into an emotional hurricane constantly worrying about the well-being of someone who has mistreated me more than anyone else yet offering my heart at every chance.
And it has to stop. what I want it isn't going to happen, tried too hard, too long, going downhill at every chance, the distance is massive yet the connection of belief and confidence is stupid, the heart is too strong, the brain is too weak.